Parents are the Primary Educators of Children
by Thurlow and Lynda Switzer
(Adventure of Family Life Seminars)
If left to themselves, children will be rebels, so it is necessary for the parents to train their children. A person cannot be educated in the fundamentals if that person is disobedient in one’s spirit. A key issue in parenting is to minister to our child’s spirit. Foundations properly laid release all kinds of creativity. The ultimate authority behind parenting is God as evidenced in phrases like “in the Lord” and “of the Lord.”
Four Goals of Parenting
Ephesians 6:1-3 mentions four goals: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise: that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth (NKJV). First, Training in Citizenship Skills: “Children, obey your parents.” Children need to learn obedience, which speaks of the potential for internal government and the expression of citizenship skills. These skills are necessary for an internal conscience that reflects a biblical morality. The Greek word for “obedience” is hupokouo, which means to hear or listen intensely (Eph 6:1; Col. 3:20; Heb.5: 7, 8), coming from hupo, “under” combined with akouo, “to hear.” Obedience for children means the ability to hear under another voice and to respond appropriately. Children are to obey their parents and do it “in the Lord.”
Second, Training in Spiritual Matters: “In the Lord.” Children need spiritual development which is to know God in every dimension of their being: intellectually emotionally, volitionally, and communion with God at the heart level. Children are spiritual beings. God who is Spirit and must be worshiped in spirit and in truth is the Creator and He created humans by a begetting work. God took the dust of the ground and breathed into it the breathe of life and man became a living soul.
Third, Training in Social Skills: Children need to “honor their father and mother,” which has to do with social grace skills and the ability to function successfully in society and in Christian community. It also speaks to the healthy development of one’s person, one’s personality, and the ability to respect others through good deportment and gracious interactions. The word, “honor” (Greek: timao),from which we get “time,” means to defer, give deference, recognition, and respect, mingled with love.
Fourth, Training in Success Skills: ‘That it may go well with you and you may live long on the earth.” This fourth goal has to do with life success skills and the development of successful career capacity. Life-long skills are learned in the context of the home. Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man in the context of his home as Mary and Joseph honed his skills for life (Luke 2:52). A child who learns to obey and to honor enters into the promise of wellness and the enjoyment of long life on earth.
If, and they are, parents are the primary educators of their children then the following sets forth important aspects of the parenting task. The parents have a noble role to model and lead their family and children in a grace-filled vision for their family. Below are four grace-filled stances for parents and under each division a grace-plan for discipleship and discipline of their children.
A. Grace Relationship MODELING - TOUCH
Parents Model Relational Grace and Love
B.Grace Discipleship LEADING - TEND
Consistent Leadership and Righteous Family Order
C. Grace Instruction INSTRUCTING -TRAIN
Parents Define and Uphold Integrity of Family Life and Practice
Grace Accountability STEWARDING - TALK
Parents Must Sacrificially Steward the Family and Each Child
Who Is Responsible for Educating Children?
Whose responsibility is for educating children? Is it parents or the state? The primary institute in terms of educating children is the family unit in which the children are the beneficiaries. The Creator gave parents the responsibility for instructing children in the principles and doctrines of the Bible (Deut 6:6, 7), and to “train a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov 22:6).
The first mention of teaching in the Bible occurs in God’s dramatic words about Abraham: “For I know him that he will command his children and his household after him, and they will keep the way of the Lord to do justice and judgment” (Gen 18:19). The family is man’s first and most basic educational environment, where the child first learns religion, parent-government, self-government, and a wide range of subjects on a day-to-day basis, such as health, responsibility, the work ethic, and social skills.
The need for healthy parenting finds reinforcement in an excellent publication released during the Reagan years by the U. S. Department of Education, entitled, What Works--Research about Teaching and Learning. Out of forty-one research findings, they stated the first finding of what works in education as follows: “Parents are their children’s first and most influential teachers. What parents do to help their children learn is more important to academic success than how well off the family is.”
In 1925, the United States Supreme Court in the case of Pierce v. Society of Sisters rightfully overturned a direct state attack on the authority of parents to determine the education choices of their children when the State of Oregon in 1922 passed a law requiring only public school education, in favor or supporting parental liberty over education.
The act of 1922 unreasonably interferes with the liberty of parents and guardians to direct the upbringing and education of children under their control…. The fundamental theory of liberty upon which all governments in this Union repose excludes any general power of the State to standardize its children by forcing them to accept instruction from public school teachers only. The child is not the mere creature of the State; those who nurture him and direct his destiny have the right, coupled with the high duty, to recognize and prepare him for additional obligations.
This reinforces four basic premises. First, the child is not the creature of the state; they are not extensions of the state, but creatures of God. Second, parents, acting as stewards under God’s authority, have both liberty and a “high duty” of educating their children. Third, the state had no authority to interfere in the parent’s liberty for seeking out alternative forms for education including private and home schooling. Fourth, schools in our country have turned radically from any intention of training children in spiritual matters; the “spirit” is ignored in favor of intellectualism and behavior modification, and this is usually at an utterly minimal level.
Four Goals of Parenting
Ephesians 6:1-3 mentions four goals: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise: that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth (NKJV). First, Training in Citizenship Skills: “Children, obey your parents.” Children need to learn obedience, which speaks of the potential for internal government and the expression of citizenship skills. These skills are necessary for an internal conscience that reflects a biblical morality. The Greek word for “obedience” is hupokouo, which means to hear or listen intensely (Eph 6:1; Col. 3:20; Heb.5: 7, 8), coming from hupo, “under” combined with akouo, “to hear.” Obedience for children means the ability to hear under another voice and to respond appropriately. Children are to obey their parents and do it “in the Lord.”
Second, Training in Spiritual Matters: “In the Lord.” Children need spiritual development which is to know God in every dimension of their being: intellectually emotionally, volitionally, and communion with God at the heart level. Children are spiritual beings. God who is Spirit and must be worshiped in spirit and in truth is the Creator and He created humans by a begetting work. God took the dust of the ground and breathed into it the breathe of life and man became a living soul.
Third, Training in Social Skills: Children need to “honor their father and mother,” which has to do with social grace skills and the ability to function successfully in society and in Christian community. It also speaks to the healthy development of one’s person, one’s personality, and the ability to respect others through good deportment and gracious interactions. The word, “honor” (Greek: timao),from which we get “time,” means to defer, give deference, recognition, and respect, mingled with love.
Fourth, Training in Success Skills: ‘That it may go well with you and you may live long on the earth.” This fourth goal has to do with life success skills and the development of successful career capacity. Life-long skills are learned in the context of the home. Jesus grew in wisdom and stature and in favor with God and man in the context of his home as Mary and Joseph honed his skills for life (Luke 2:52). A child who learns to obey and to honor enters into the promise of wellness and the enjoyment of long life on earth.
If, and they are, parents are the primary educators of their children then the following sets forth important aspects of the parenting task. The parents have a noble role to model and lead their family and children in a grace-filled vision for their family. Below are four grace-filled stances for parents and under each division a grace-plan for discipleship and discipline of their children.
A. Grace Relationship MODELING - TOUCH
Parents Model Relational Grace and Love
- Touch your child’s heart with love; let genuine affection be your guide.
- Exercise authority in a grace-filled manner that reflects Christ-like attitudes.
- Avoid harsh consequences, harsh tones, harsh reactions, and harsh anger.
- Express love and truth in every confrontation and repent of any false actions.
B.Grace Discipleship LEADING - TEND
Consistent Leadership and Righteous Family Order
- Establish and model family-wide patterns of order and expectations.
- Provide reasonable structure for family life avoiding impossible demands.
- Fit discipleship approach to the individual needs of your boy or girl.
- When challenged, respond with a confident, grace-filled training process.
C. Grace Instruction INSTRUCTING -TRAIN
Parents Define and Uphold Integrity of Family Life and Practice
- Set, declare, and teach your standards, expectations, and boundaries.
- If you have not defined it, you cannot enforce it, and should not.
- Consistently require proper responses, day-by-day, until child is trained.
- Train child in righteous patterns without apology.
Grace Accountability STEWARDING - TALK
Parents Must Sacrificially Steward the Family and Each Child
- Identify ownership of problem and work toward truth-based solutions.
- Distinguish between willful defiance and childish irresponsibility.
- Follow through on your requirements and pursue truth all the way.
- Reassure and teach after discipline and confrontation.
Who Is Responsible for Educating Children?
Whose responsibility is for educating children? Is it parents or the state? The primary institute in terms of educating children is the family unit in which the children are the beneficiaries. The Creator gave parents the responsibility for instructing children in the principles and doctrines of the Bible (Deut 6:6, 7), and to “train a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Prov 22:6).
The first mention of teaching in the Bible occurs in God’s dramatic words about Abraham: “For I know him that he will command his children and his household after him, and they will keep the way of the Lord to do justice and judgment” (Gen 18:19). The family is man’s first and most basic educational environment, where the child first learns religion, parent-government, self-government, and a wide range of subjects on a day-to-day basis, such as health, responsibility, the work ethic, and social skills.
The need for healthy parenting finds reinforcement in an excellent publication released during the Reagan years by the U. S. Department of Education, entitled, What Works--Research about Teaching and Learning. Out of forty-one research findings, they stated the first finding of what works in education as follows: “Parents are their children’s first and most influential teachers. What parents do to help their children learn is more important to academic success than how well off the family is.”
In 1925, the United States Supreme Court in the case of Pierce v. Society of Sisters rightfully overturned a direct state attack on the authority of parents to determine the education choices of their children when the State of Oregon in 1922 passed a law requiring only public school education, in favor or supporting parental liberty over education.
The act of 1922 unreasonably interferes with the liberty of parents and guardians to direct the upbringing and education of children under their control…. The fundamental theory of liberty upon which all governments in this Union repose excludes any general power of the State to standardize its children by forcing them to accept instruction from public school teachers only. The child is not the mere creature of the State; those who nurture him and direct his destiny have the right, coupled with the high duty, to recognize and prepare him for additional obligations.
This reinforces four basic premises. First, the child is not the creature of the state; they are not extensions of the state, but creatures of God. Second, parents, acting as stewards under God’s authority, have both liberty and a “high duty” of educating their children. Third, the state had no authority to interfere in the parent’s liberty for seeking out alternative forms for education including private and home schooling. Fourth, schools in our country have turned radically from any intention of training children in spiritual matters; the “spirit” is ignored in favor of intellectualism and behavior modification, and this is usually at an utterly minimal level.